Author Topic: A Personal History  (Read 1467 times)

Tysha

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 66
  • Raaah!
A Personal History
« on: February 23, 2016, 11:31:03 am »
This is an edited version of what I wrote yesterday for a Draconic Paganism forum. I've had bad experiences talking about being dragonkin on Pagan forums in the past so I hadn't included any of it in the original version. It's not something I'm ashamed of, or try to hide in offline life, it's just far more hassle than it's worth. I'd rather keep the 'kin stuff to 'kin forums these days.
~~

Firstly, I apologise for the length of this, but every time I went to leave something out, I was reminded that it is all connected, and thus all relevant.

As a daekar (dragon), I remember being taught how to manipulate energy. We would work with the elements, and draw from within, to raise this energy, and use it to cause positive changes in our lives. We tended to only use it for important things, like healing, rather than more frivolous changes, like trying to control the weather.
 
My spiritual path, in this lifetime at least, all started when I was a teenager, and two little dragon companions called Kitana and Kira. I didn’t care that I was too old for imaginary friends, but I was careful to avoid making their presence known when I wasn’t alone. They always vanished when I was at school, I’m sure they knew how awkward it would have been with them there, but once I left and was on my own, they were back, sitting on my head or shoulders and playing with my hair. I remember being constantly told off for my head being a bundle of knots, but I could never let on why it was so bad!

I had a very strong connection to my home of Illsyndra at this point, and thanks to Kit and Kira, could easily communicate with my friends and loved ones. I was rather busy trying to fit in and act human so I never really explored earth-based spirituality.
 
When I was about 14 I came across a magazine called Prediction (back when it was more of an occult magazine, and less of a spiritual lifestyle mag) in my local newsagents. I became fascinated with the subjects within, especially astrology which made up the bulk of the magazine. While I didn’t hold much faith in newspaper and magazine horoscopes, I remember collecting them for the glyphs and art of the signs, which I used to turn into collages. I even used the zodiac signs in my end of year sewing project while I was at school, which led me to get the nickname of “Mystic Meg” (a prominent astrologer at the time) and teased a lot, often rather unkindly.
 
Eventually I moved past this fascination with the zodiac and studied the other occult subjects featured in the magazine. I was especially drawn to the articles about mythology. This led me to the local library, where I took out all the books on mythology I could find. Kit and Kira encouraged me constantly, they loved the fact I was trying to learn everything I could about how humans viewed dragonkind, and other ‘mythical’ creatures. Eventually I ran out of books in my library and hit Waterstones in The Galleries (Bristol) instead. Back then I don’t think there was a Mind, Body, Spirit section, just Religion (filled with bibles and other christian books) with Mythology tucked away at the bottom. Limited cash meant I focused on books about dragons, checking the index carefully for any reference to my favourite creature. I still have every book I bought back then, even the bad ones!
 
On one of my trips to search for new books, I spotted “Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner” by Scott Cunningham. Curious I flicked through the index, and slightly disappointed, I found there was no mention of dragons. But as I was about to put it on the shelf, two little excited voices told me I really should buy it. Never one to ignore those two, I went ahead and purchased it. It turned out to be a huge turning point in my life. I devoured the book, did all the exercises I could do (keeping in mind I was still living at home), and lived the contents for the next few years. I did pick up a couple more Wiccan books after that, but none had the same impact as Cunningham’s.
 
Kitana and Kira loved attending and helping with the rituals, dragons kept showing up when I meditated, and I found whenever I called the guardians of the circle I would end up with dragons around me. These were not the dragons I remembered from back home, they said they lived in the astral realm, but much closer to earth than Illsyndra was. Kit in particular loved it when I practiced energy work, once I had a ball of energy between my hands, she would steal it to play with.
 
In 1997, not long after I had left school and gone out to work full time in the Pharmacy department of Bristol’s main hospital, I went down with Meningitis. Thankfully I was still living at home at this point, and my mother recognised straight away that something was seriously wrong with me. She called out our GP, who phoned an ambulance. That was how I got into work that day! There was one point where I remember being surrounded by dragons, not just Kit and Kira, all telling me it would be ok, I could survive this. After pumping me full of antibiotics, and a lot of fluid and rest, I got discharged from hospital after a few days. Unfortunately I was bullied into returning to work after a week off and with my immune system shot to pieces, I was so ill. Part of my job involved going on to the wards every day, and it felt like I was going down with every bug going. I couldn’t take any time off because I was threatened with being fired, so I was sick, exhausted and constantly scared of losing my job. My spiritual practice was thrown out at this point, I couldn’t manage anything other than attempting to meditation, and even that I found difficult.
 
Thankfully, a job vacancy came up at a branch of Boots. I asked the dragons to help me get it, as I really needed to get out of the hospital, and when I went for the interview I was offered it there and then. Luckily I only needed to give a week’s notice so I handed it in on the Monday, left on the Friday and started at Boots on the following Monday! The Pharmacist Manager who took me on, wanted someone to pretty much run the dispensary while he was doing manager stuff, so I got rushed through Boots’ training (as my training package for the hospital arrived the week I left, after 2 years of waiting for it) and became a qualified Pharmacy Assistant. Things were great for a while, picked up the pieces of my spiritual practice, met my current partner and ended up moving home and branch of Boots after two years of being at that store. Sadly the branch I moved to didn’t need anyone in the pharmacy, and I worked mostly in the stockroom or on the shop floor. Still it gave me chance to work on my customer skills, and I was able to spend more time with my Anthony, due to reduced hours and less of a journey to and from work (I could now walk it rather than rely on 2 buses).
 
My spiritual practice was going really well. Kit and Kira had encouraged me to bring dragons into my workings a lot more then I had previously. I discovered the internet in 2000, and had my own dragon forum, where I would often discuss spiritually, magic and mythology with the other members. “Dancing with Dragons” by D.J. Conway arrived on my doorstep unannounced, and while quite a bit of it didn’t quite sit right with my mindset, some of what was in there worked for me. It did lead me to join various dragon magic forums, mailing lists and newsgroups as I realised more and more people were working with dragons in magical practice.
 
In April of 2001, Isedon Goldwing created a set of Dragon Runes based on the Druatch language, and posted them to one of the email groups I was a member of. I was instantly drawn to them and had multiple sets created in various colours. Eventually I got Drakani, the rune of Tiamat tattooed on the back of my neck. To this day I always keep a set of the runes next to my bed, and will often meditate with them.

In 2003, my dragon body, the one back home on Illsyndra died, and with it went my connection to home. Thankfully I still had Kit, Kira and other dragons around me, but the loss of home deeply depressed me.
 
Not long after that, I was struck down with chronic daily headaches. They had been building for a while, but now they had become too much to cope with. I was sensitive to light, kept having panic attacks, and a lot of the time couldn’t get out of bed. I stopped leaving the house and was in a right state. I nearly ended it a few times, but Kit and Kira refused to give up on me and helped keep me going. Together with Anthony, they are the reason I’m still here. MRI scans didn’t pick up anything major and eventually the doctors put it down to the meningitis. Studies had shown that chronic pain, especially headaches, can be a major side-effect later in life. I ended up being off work for over a year, before they had to let me go, and I ended up going onto benefits, as I couldn’t work.
 
I handed off my forum to a friend, but sadly his girlfriend at the time turned it into a joke, and I closed it down completely. I drifted away from most of the communities I had been a part off. Once again my spiritual practice was thrown aside, I couldn’t concentrate on it, and I lost all faith in my abilities. I still tried to read as much as I could, but I was having severe memory issues, and it felt like nothing was sticking.

While off work, I went to a healing center in Kingswood, I originally went for allergy testing hoping that it was an allergy causing these headaches. When I sat down with the lady there, the whole story of being both Tracey and Tysha came out, but instead of being called insane, she said the stress of having two souls in one body was the root of my pain. She made an appointment to remove Tysha completely, saying this would heal me, but neither of us could go through with it. Instead we found a way to merge our two souls together, and things improved a little, but the headaches remained.
 
After a few years, Anthony got a job in Wales, and as I wasn’t working, I went with him. My parents had moved over the bridge as well, so this way we were closer to both mine and his. Thankfully my GP over here was very open to trying new things to try to control my headaches, and put me on medication which is normally used for epilepsy. It worked, and while I was still in pain, I could function much better and cope with everyday life. The DWP decided I was well enough to work again, even though I didn’t think so, cut off my benefits. This threw me into major depression, and I nearly ended my own life. But the strength of the dragons, and them constantly telling me everything would be ok, got me through it. I ended up on Job Seekers, but they wouldn’t actually pay me anything (something about my stamp duty not being paid while I was on Incapacity Benefit) and I ended up having to do a work placement at a supermarket for free because of it. On the last week of the placement, my local supermarket, contacted me with a job offer, only for xmas, but I jumped at it. The temporary job turned into a seasonal job (I was the only one on grocery kept on), which turned into a permanent position. I flourished there.
 
I picked up the pieces of my spiritual practice again, and started meditating daily. Kit and Kira moved on, but promised they would be back one day. They said they would not have normally stuck around as long as they had, but they knew I needed their support and thus they couldn’t leave me. Now they have a new charge to guide. At some point I picked up “Sea, Land, Sky: A Dragon Magick Grimoire” by Parker J. Torrence, and quite a bit of it’s contents worked it’s way into my practices.
 
After a few years on the health & beauty department, a notice appeared asking for pharmacy busters, staff willing to help out in the pharmacy at busy times. While I was nervous about going into pharmacy again, I went for it, was accepted with open arms, and eventually moved over there full time.
 
My meditation routine was going well, but my visualization skills were still lousy, I could ‘feel’ things fine, but my inner sight was as blind as a bad. I was told that this was not surprising given my headaches and the meds I’m on to control them. I built a new dragon shrine/altar, complete with bowls for Sea, Land, and Sky, and once again dedicated myself to the dragons.
 
But, once again I fell ill and off work, this time diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. I ended up in hospital having surgery, and went down with a chest infection afterwards. While I was in surgery, I had a wonderful dream where I was surrounded by dragons. As I was coming around afterwards, a large earthy green dragon I'd seen a few times before, told me that they are all waiting for me to find them.
 
At some point I saw Topaz’s blog post about her crystal dragon skulls, and it was like being wracked across the head. I found a gorgeous Moss Agate skull which I knew I had to buy. When I got it home and put it on my dragon shrine, a voice said something along the lines of  “Finally! What took you so long?” After that I became obsessed with them, if I saw a skull that really spoke to me, I had to have it. My clan now numbers more than 50, but every dragon I saw in my dream is now represented. I took a Crystal Skull and Dragon Course last year to help me deepen my connection with them all. 
 
My work with them, lead me to create my own GemChip Baby Dragons, real gemstone chips encased in clear resin. I use a mould for them, but thanks to the natural stones, they are all unique. I find their personalities differ quite a bit too, one Amethyst baby gave off the impression of a right little princess, while another Amethyst was a very peaceful, sleepy little girl. Every time I make one, I have the overwhelming desire to keep it, but they have made it very clear that their purpose is to leave here and help others. I am allowed to keep two though, a lapis/malachite/howlite, and a selenite. I’ll be taking them to Dragondaze in the Newport Centre in September, it will be the first time I’ve traded at a show.
 
A bad flare up of the Crohns had me off work again, and back in hospital, but this time they put me on medication to control the inflammation. Once I was well enough, I started looking into healing, which led me to Reiki. During 2015 I received my attunements in Usui Reiki, and now I do self-healing with Reiki every day. The latest scan I had has shown no significant crohns activity in my intestines, and my consultant is extremely pleased with my progress. Usui Reiki in turn led me to Dragon Reiki, which then led me to other Reiki systems and attunements. That got me interested in anything relating to lightworking. So right now I’m working on a Crystal Healer course, studying The Wyrd Path, and exploring the Earth Angel Realms (with the goal of becoming a certified Realm Reader).
 
I haven’t forgotten my original path though, and I still celebrate the sabbats and esbats. I’m a current member of the Pagan Federation and the Children of Artemis, and I’ve been studying with Witch School, which is now called The Correllian Educational Ministries, since 2012. I've been taking herbal supliments to try to combat my memory loss and improve my brain function, and they really seem to be working, I'm remembering a lot more which had been forgotten in the past. Times and dates are still an issue, but I'm getting there!

Deebles

  • Global Moderator
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 101
Re: A Personal History
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2016, 04:46:19 pm »
Thank you for sharing this. I am impressed with your resilience. It sounds like almost impossible odds and obstacles. Interesting too, how deep and overarching dragon energy influences you in all aspects of life and spirituality.

Grey

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • rawr :U
    • Fur Affinity (art gallery)
Re: A Personal History
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2016, 11:04:06 pm »
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It seems as though you have been on an incredible, yet difficult, spiritual journey.
Grey | Non-Binary | She/They | INFP | Dragonkin | Artist

TashRikil

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
Re: A Personal History
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2016, 07:03:07 pm »
Impressive. You've had a lot to deal with, but you never give up.

Tysha

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 66
  • Raaah!
Re: A Personal History
« Reply #4 on: March 04, 2016, 04:17:07 am »
Thank you all, and sorry for giving you such a long post to read!
I don't think I'm allowed to give up, despite my feelings on the matter in the past, so I've been trying to stick this life out the best I can. But I'm in a good, positive place right now, so I'm not complaining at all :)