Author Topic: Dangers of Images Depicting Harm To Yourself  (Read 252 times)


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Dangers of Images Depicting Harm To Yourself
« on: September 08, 2017, 03:49:10 pm »
A few years ago I drew a picture called "The Assassination of the Eloah Inanna," in which I depicted a "what could have been" situation based on a vague memory I had from my past life as Inanna.  In the memory, we were in a war and the fighting had been going on for quite some time, and then there was a lull in it and I decided to get some much-needed sleep.  When I was at my bedchamber door, a friend of mine came up and offered to take me out to the wilderness for some sex and some real rest, not just the bare minimum my bedchamber would have allowed.  I took him up on the offer, though I was torn and I almost went into the bedchamber.  That night was probably one of the best nights of that entire lifetime.  The sex was amazing, and I fell asleep next to my friend.  I slept wonderfully and was much more refreshed than I would have been had I slept in my bed.

Well, as it turns out, as we were making our way back to the base, a guard out front stopped us and informed me that a patrolling guard had checked my bedchamber and found a man in a hooded robe with a dagger waiting for me.  If I had gone to the bedchambers, as exhausted as I was I surely would have been killed.

So I drew an image of what could have happened if I hadn't gone with my friend.  I liked it so much that I retouched it multiple times, updated it, and so on, but I found over time that my health had begun to deteriorate.  I recently discovered that the reason for my deterioration was that I had made those drawings such a prominent part of my life.  So I destroyed them.  Looking back now I don't regret it though I do still see the image in my mind sometimes and wonder what else I could have done with it.  But I think this brings home a very important point that I feel the need to share here: that what we think about becomes our reality.  Though Inanna had not been killed and to my knowledge still lives to this day, my depicting of her in that very nasty situation had a psychosomatic effect on my body.  In the image, the man had run her through with a dagger from behind.  The dagger's tip was protruding out through Inanna's left nipple.  While my own left nipple didn't hurt, my heart most certainly did every time I looked at the image.  I felt a physical pain there, as if my heart was dying, or perhaps struggling to survive against a blade that had been thrust through it.

In a way, I'm reminded of the old depictions of Voodoo magick, and how people could use a doll that was meant to represent the mage's intended victim to put the victim through all sorts of horrible shit.  In the same way, my placing my own true self in that situation which never actually happened to her, had the effect of harming me physically.

So the images are gone, and I'm still healing from what I did to myself.  But consider this a warning: when you fantasize about yourself being put through bad stuff, it can actually happen to you the way you've fantasized, especially if you depict it in a visual form such as a drawing or other similar medium.